People should watch more TV.

I like to think I'm fairly open minded when it comes to 'the arts.' I have favourite music artist in pretty much all genres (hip-hop, country, you name it) and my favourite films range from balls out comedies to foreign language art house. What I'm really trying to say is I don't have much bearing on content, for me it can be about anything as long as it is done well. In music, film and theatre things that show real talent do manage to find there way into the public eye, albeit not as much as some people would like, but at least everyone has heard of the Beatles or Titanic.

Though on such genre that isn't as lucky is Television. I feel TV gets a bad press because nowadays people just think it's filled with reality shows, soaps or mediocre situation comedies. What makes me sad is you think of programs like The Wire, which is critically considered the best TV series ever made ever and barely anyone has even heard of it! Same goes for most of the HBO original series' like Band of Brothers, Rome, Deadwood, The Pacific, these programs get nominated for 20+ Emmys and no-one really knows what they are. Hell, the only HBO series that gets any mainstream press coverages is Sex and the City and that's only become popular again because they made it into films (which were no where near as well received as the series, I'm just sayin').

People's taste does scare me sometimes, it just seems so odd the critical acclaim rarely translates into mainstream attention.

It also scares me that I seemed to have turned into some sort of HBO fan boy.

What's black and white and eats like a horse?

...A zebra.

I'm so funny, right?

I miss being a child.

So technically I guess I'm an adult now, which I'm not particularly in to. However, I spent today and tonight talking with friends I haven't seen in a while and it made me a tad nostalgic. I kind of miss school and how easy it made everything, and I miss the early days of college were everything made more sense than it does now. I know that it's counterproductive to think about the past but I was so much happier back then and as my future is so ambiguous and frankly terrifying it's much easier to think about my past. Even the alcohol content is actually slightly less than my last year of school. I suppose the biggest problem is my future seemed so bright in my first year of college, but I hated college in the end and now everything seems dull and uninspired.

And my foot has been hurting all week, that sucks.

Aww but Originality takes effort.

I'm so tired right about now, I actually think I'm going to sleep all of tomorrow just because I can. The downside to this is I don't have the brain capacity to think of anything original to put in this post. The only thing interesting thing that's happened this week was my friends 18th last night (hence no post yesterday) and all I gained from that is apparently I use 16 year old girls for adoration and Southern Comfort.

I am just the worst kind of person.

"No, no, no, that's not how it happened."

They're rereleasing the Sands of Time Prince of Persia video game trilogy in HD and 3D for the PS3. I'm very excited. I don't know when it's coming out but the first one was one of the best games on PS2. I don't even have a 3D TV.

Star Wars is also being brought back to cinemas soon (again), all in digitally remastered HD (again) and in stereoscopic 3D. I think the first one is coming out in a year or so. That means we have to wait 4 years for a good one but hey, whatever.

A remake of Gulliver's Travels is being released this year, starring Jack Black as Gulliver. It's being shot on a Panasonic Genesis HD camera and it was announced earlier this year it's going to be converted into 3D like that remake of Clash of the Titans that came out last year. It looks like it could be funny.

These fads are getting kind of stupid.

Can someone please have an original idea for a franchise and maybe don't use 3D? And I don't mean 'Pocahontas-in-Space' original. I'm sick of all these remakes and reboots.

Except the Star Trek one, that was badass.

And I'm already repeating myself...

I just bought a new CD (yeah, I paid for music, who does that?) called Lonely Avenue by Ben Folds and Nick Hornby. I like the work of both those peoples so a collaboration must be a good thing right? Well so far it is, but I haven't listened all the way though it. I'm digressing though. The real reason I bought this CD rather than getting any sort of download was the special edition comes in a book with 4 short stories by Nick and photographs, which I wanted. An added bonus was the is a section talking about the inspiration behind all the songs and there's one quote I want to share with you because it related very nicely to one of my first posts. The song he's talking about is called 'A Working Day' and the quote goes like this:

'I was talking to one of the parent's at my kid's school. He's an artist, and I asked him how his day had been. "Oh you know," he said "I'm either a genius or a wanker."'

I think that's brilliant, and should really be the attitude every artist should have because you can't be a genius all the time.

That's just not fair.

Some of the Hymns that they sing have nice Chords, but the Lyrics are Spooky.

I went to the conformation of an old friend today. It was quite a surreal experience not helped by the fact I haven't been in a church for a while. What I find really odd is religion has this way of making me feel bad about myself. Though not in the sense that you have to admit you're a sinner and a terrible person to be confirmed, I treat those bits with quite, indignant refusal, but more in the sense that organised religion seems to bring these people so much joy and a sense of self worth that I am slightly jealous of.

I would say I've lost any sort of faith recently. Sure I haven't been to Church since I was 8 or so but I was always fairly exposed to religion and had that sense of the existence of a higher being, though not one necessarily contained within any of the conventional doctrines. I certainly had too much faith to agnostic, that's for sure. However, due to recent experiences I have slipped into a more atheist frame of mind, I had some real doubts about there being any sort of God with any sort of interests in the squabbles of men.

The dad of the friend who's conformation it was is a proclaimed atheist so I thought I'd have company in lacking faith. So initially I did just enjoy the hymns, the choir were very good, and ignored the tried and tested, repeated-every-week sermon. But by the end, the culmination of the choir, the organ, the congregation and the Bishop had a really profound effect on me. I was really emotional but not entirely sure why. I felt something though, that's for sure.

I've always appreciated Organised Religion for it's positive affect on literature, music, architecture and art, but until now I always underestimated its power to move you.

Stupid Choices...

So I haven't been able to go on the internet for two days because we haven't really had any, silly outdated 8mb connection rooters. But now we have a new one with up to 22mb speeds so it's all good!

I'm feeling kinda directionless again. I told myself back in September that it'd think about writing my personal statement and applying to university and stuff when it got to October half term, but half term is like now and I'm still no closer to knowing what I want to do. I have no idea why I find all this so hard, no one else seems to. The biggest issue is I have no idea what I'm good at any more, because I've never been good at anything. The problem is I've always been a Jack of all Trades, able to do everything but never the best at anything.

Except sprinting, I've never been good at that.

I guess it seems slightly odd but I really want someone just to tell me what I'm good at. I don't want to figure it out for myself, I tried that and it didn't work.

I'm sorry for being so negative but it's annoying me so much as of late, I just feel so useless, I can't do anything right about now.

Help me please?

I say I work in Media but I'm really on the Dole...

I guess that's not really fair, but it kind of feels like that right about now. So I work for my Dad, who makes TV which is cool, whenever someone asks 'what do your parents do?' and you come out with that it always starts a conversation. Though nowadays whenever I say I work for him I always get the same reaction, the old eye-roll-raised-eye-brow-'oh yeah?' one because, apparently, it isn't a real job.

This is really beginning to annoy me, is helping make television special FX far more simplistic and monotonous than working in Matalan?

Though this isn't why people are skeptical. The judge it because they assume as I'm employed by my Father I just sit at home playing PS3 and occasionally move a lens or something. Firstly, that shows these people have obviously never met my Dad and secondly, it's like, not true? I work long 9 hour days Monday to Friday and I really have to earn the money I get. I also like to think it's fairly skilled work, not everyone can do what I do, like pull-focuses or setting up 125s, because I have the experience. Being able to use a till won't help you understand the intricacies of a Red ONE, it's a different set of skills.

I suppose what I mean is I don't like people judging everything everyone does all the time. I mean so many people go into family business' and no-one challenges them, so why do people think me going into mine is so different? I tried to get a job in a shop like most people my age do and they all rejected my applications. My Dad was the only person who actually offered me a job so why wouldn't I take it?

Plus rolling out of bed at 8 to get to the bottom of my garden for 9 is pretty neat too.

This is Sparta! But only when Kratos says so.

I guess it's been a while since I posted anything, but I was busy already get off my case! Though I felt I have I really have to post, 5 days is far too long, and I'm going to talk about video games.

In a nutshell, I love them, like, a lot.

My recent rediscovery (accidental alliteration, oh I'm on fire!) is the God of War series. I played these back on the PS2 when I got my parents to rent them for me because I wasn't 18 at the time nor would I be for quite some time and thought they were the best thing ever. Now God of War III, the last in the trilogy, has been released (actually it's been out for a while but because of the aforementioned lack of money it seemed more like a dream) and it's been dispatched and should arrive any day now. I suppose I love the games so much because I've always like mythology and God of War (set in ancient Greece with you playing to role of Kratos, the Ghost of Sparta) gives you a chance to actually meet the Perseus I've read about and then swiftly take the shield he used to kill Medusa, behead him with it, then kick him onto a meat hook. Yeah these games get pretty violent, but laughably so, you'd never find someone getting arrested for trying to imitate Kratos. In GoWIII they even have a random gore generator so the entrails falling out of the centaur you just maimed will never look the same twice. Gross, but awesome!

God of War is probably quite a bad example for what I'm about to say, but I seriously think Video Games are an incredibly underrated artistic medium. A big pet peeve of mine is when people say 'I don't like video games.' I think that's a silly sentiment. No-one doesn't like them, not liking video games is the same as not liking films or books or music, it would be better to say 'I don't like some video games'. Sure lots of people don't own an Xbox, and won't consider themselves 'gamers' but they will still enjoy the occasional gaming session. I haven't had a girlfriend yet who didn't like LittleBigPlanet. Further proof is trying to find a kid who grew up in the 90's and hasn't played Tekken 3 is like trying to find a kid who grew up in the 90's who hasn't seen the Lion King, they're one in a million! Ok maybe that's an exaggeration but you see my point.

All I'm saying is it's a little prejudice to say you dislike the entirety of a medium. Not liking Call of Duty, but playing Wii Sports is the same difference as not liking Diehard but watching Love Actually or listening to Jamie T but not liking Charles Mingus. Video Games have become so massive that there is bound to be one you like, if you'll just be willing to give them a try. Even if you're one of this hipster types that only watch Independent or Art House cinema, you could try your hand at Limbo if you were looking for Independent gaming or Flower if you wanted an Art House video game (yeah, they exist). Nowadays there is literally something for everyone.

Just open your mind a little and, heaven forbid, you might have some fun.

Mmm Morbid.

So in recent months I've developed a weird fascination with Holocaust narratives, with Maus and The Pianist being the best things that I've read and seen respectively in a long time. Though I would never consider either of these my favourite book or movie just because, and I feel awful saying this, they're too depressing. The knowledge I've gained from experiencing these things is amazing, the way people have such a will to survive is just awe inspiring. But this also comes with being exposed to the darker side of human nature and that's something I really don't want to think about. However that statement in itself is hypocritical because I also agree there things that happened in Nazi Germany shouldn't be forgotten.

I suppose the biggest issue I have with learning about the Holocaust is the fact that I love Germany, as a country and as a people. I've been three times and I just adore it (and I went to Munich, think of the shit that went down there). So I suppose I just don't want to think that such horrific things took place in a country I love. I actually always consider Nazi Germany a completely different place, not even related to it's contemporary counter part which, I suppose, is correct.

With all that being said, I do still have a morbid curiosity with all of this. It's the same as when you know someone that dies, and as much as it may hurt you still want to know how. I guess the point I'm trying to make about my feelings on the Holocaust is even though it was a horrible time and unforgivable things happened, certain stories of survival that have come from it are truly beautiful.

And that's why I like Holocaust narratives, I guess.

Am I a Bad Person?

I've liked to think in the past that I'm a fairly liberal guy, and I've never been accused of homophobia or misogyny in my life. But a recent event has made me think I might have an inherit anti-feminine side.

The event I'm talking about was a moment of thinking women have less rights, particularly in certain jobs. Please don't misunderstand this wasn't a conscious thought against women in certain jobs, it was just to do with a particular job that I thought must be a male one which turned out to be a female one. Is it wrong to instantly assume that a man must be filling that role? Doesn't that suggest at heart I'm no better than those men who keep women firmly down trodden? Does this make me a bad person?

I feel terrible, but I honestly thought the person in the confused.com logo was a dude.

Like meeting an old Friend.

Tomorrow I'm going to get paid. This is an occurrence that is anticipated by most people my age, but this pay cheque is particularly exciting. It's so special this time because this is the first time I've had any sort of influx of money in literally months. Now usually I'm not a particularly materialistic person, but this lack of funds has actually had a noticeably negative impact on my life as of late, particularly my love life. To quantify that statement the Cee Lo Green lyrics 'if I was richer, I'd still be wit' cha' spring to mind, bitch.

So of course I'm going to do the most important act anyone does when they get a new chunk of cash, I'm going to import shoes from America.

Mythical Shoes to be exact.

My Secret Love

Being a small, scrawny, sensitive, book worm, theatre loving Englishman, I love Football. But I'm not talking about the Fifa Brand, Premier League, UEFA cup style Football but American Football. Today is Sunday, so therefore I have the option of staying up until four in the morning to watch the Philadelphia Eagles play the San Francisco 49er's and I probably will.

Though American Football is something that gets little to no attention in England, but I really think so many people I know would enjoy it if they understood it. I'll even betray my country and admit I think American Football is better than regular Football! Yeah, I said it.

My biggest pet peeve with American Football is, because people don't understand it, the majority of their gripes with it are actually wrong. For example one complaint about it (this one usually comes from Rugby fans) is that the players can throw forward which makes it so much easier than Rugby. What people don't know, however, is only one person on an entire American Football team can throw. Doesn't seem so easy now does it?

The other biggest complaint is people have is about the armor. People think that American Football players are some how pussies because they have all this protection but one, you'd never say that to a Football player's face because they'd kill ya. And two, have you ever seen how hard those guys hit each other? I'm going to go a head a say no on your behalf and tell you it's pretty damn hard. In Rugby people are tackling around your legs or waist because anything higher is considered dangerous, but in American Football people are running for pelt and hitting each other with what are essentially flying clotheslines and it's perfectly legal. In that situation if you aren't wearing a helmet, you're dead.

The best thing about it as a sport is the strategy, it's like warfare. The different parts of the team are even called units. The amount of different plays the teams have and switch between depending on how far they are until the next first down makes it so interesting to watch and makes every game very different. It literally makes our Football look like 22 guys kicking ball aimlessly around, there's next to no strategy in that game by comparison.

Really what I'm trying to say is don't knock it until you've watched a game knowing the rules or with someone who knows what they're talking about and can explain it for you because there is definitely a reason why it's America's favourite sport.

The Importance of Family

My house has been filled for the past couple of days by family members who I don't often see. Depressingly one of these is my older brother, who I miss more than I'd usually care to admit. He has recently gotten very into chess so I challenged him to a game. He beat me, which I suppose is poetic considering he's my elder so he's obviously better than me at everything ever, but it felt good to have that prolonged period of interaction through which to catch up.

I also had my cousin and his wife (who I consider a blood relation now) and they're always very generous in paying for drinks and such and always ask after me with genuine interest which is nice. The fact I got to stay up with them until two in the morning drinking and joking made me feel good, and made me see the parts of life I enjoy until all the feelings of cluelessness I have seemed to be okay.

So right now, even in my directionless state, I'm flying high in my Superman socks.

cluelessness

My Mum had a sort of dinner party tonight with all her professional friends, and my Dad had a beer or two with the husbands of said professional friends. I spent the night with 'the men' who were regaling each other with anecdotes of hilarious moments in their professional lives and all this seemed to do was remind me....

I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.

The worst thing is that, and I mean that as literally as possible, I have absolutely no clue. The worst advice I get about this problem is 'well everyone one is clueless, no one knows what the want to do at your age' and that's complete bollocks! If it were true everyone I went to college with would be spending their friday nights with middle aged men thinking 'what the hell should I do with myself?' But they don't. They have all left to go to university and get on with the next section of their existence, which is more than I can say I've done.

I apologise for ranting but this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake until 12:30 and beyond in the morning every night (which on a completely unrelated note is the time I'm writing this blog entry) and it's killing me. The biggest problem is I'm a compulsive planner, I'm not good at spontaneity, everything must have a plan at any given time, so this level of uncertainty is my worst nightmare and I'm living it everyday.

I realise I probably need some help with this, but for now I'm just going to watch Scrubs because it makes me feel better.

The Pros and Cons of Photographic Equipment.

I just got a new camera. It's pretty nice (a Canon 550D for anyone interested) and as I've been wanting a DSLR for a while I'm very happy with it. The best part about it is that it's got a full 1080p video mode too, so I can shoot high quality movies. The problem, however, is I have the same lack of inspiration with photography/film making as I do with writing. I really don't know what to do to break myself out of this funk and get into a more positive and creative frame of mind. As depressing as it is for me to say this, I think my lack of funds is what is really restricting me. No money means I can't go out and do things I want to, and more frustratingly it means I can't afford to learn to drive either which, me being 18, is long overdue.

So to tide me over until I get some cash in my bank I'll just believe in the words of the immortal Scarface: 'In this country you've gotta make the money. Then when you've got the money, you get the power. Then when you've got the power, then you get the women.'

Just Lyricism....

Modern music and I don't get along very well. The problem I have with it is I like songs that have a strong lyrical content, that actually tell some sort of story. However the lyrics of many modern songs, especially the ones aimed at the clubbing scene, just seem to constructed from one unrelated sentence after another like they're being said by a slightly attention-deficit schizophrenic. I mean I don't see why being pissed you never got to ride in a Concorde suddenly reminds you that while you've been to Southampton, you've never been to Scunthorpe. Concorde didn't even fly from Southampton.

Though this isn't what really bothers me, the worst trend is that an alarming amount of songs now use words and phrases that don't even make sense in their lyrics. My favourite example of this is Taboo's verse in Boom Boom Pow which goes a little something like this: "I'm on that super sonic boom, y'all hear that spaceship zoom (which in itself doesn't make sense because space is a vacuum so no sound, but even I respect I'm reading too far into that one) and when I step into the room, those girls go apeshit ....oom"

Seriously? 

Now I'll admit I'm no expert having never written a pop song of my own but something does seem a little half-arsed when you rhyme boom, zoom and room with a nondescript grunting noise. He was three quarters of the way there with so many words to pick, groom, doom, ....flume? I would hope that many people would agree with me that that is fairly lackluster songwriting.

That song was number one for 12 weeks. I'm obviously in the wrong here.

Some Good Advice

So my Mum came home from work today, incredibly stressed, and said 'don't bother growing up Chris, it's not worth the hassle!'

I'm trying not to Mum, I'm trying not to...

The Key to being a Genius

One of my idols has to be John Mayer. He is one of the most technically accomplished musicians in mainstream contemporary pop and is possibly my favourite artist of all time. I saw him perform at the Wembley Arena earlier this year and I honestly think live music has been ruined for me forever.

On his live album, Where the Light is, he talks during his version of Jimi Hendrix's Bold as Love about what you have to do if you want to be a genius. An interesting point he raises is: if you want to be a genius, you have to be mad. To some extent I suppose this could be true, revolutionaries from Darwin to Jesus were considered mad by their peers during their life times and they were definitely geniuses. However I also consider John Mayer to be a genius, obviously not in the same vain as Jesus or Darwin but a genius nonetheless.

But John Mayer isn't mad, he's just a douche.

Don't get me wrong, I still admire him immensely and I don't dislike his personality that comes across in the media. I have many close friends with their fair share of doucheiness and I like them just fine. This, however, suggests that if you want to be considered a genius in your own time you need an element of douche. I mean this in the sense that you need the tenacity to say what you want and do what you want to without caring about what people might think. Another good example is Richard Dawkins, his books sell millions of copies and he's a dick.

So this means to be a genius you need to have a measure of self confidence, a pinch of intelligence and a heaped teaspoon of wanker.

I don't think I have that in me.

Waiting on Inspiration

Writing is something I've always wanted to do. Novels, films, poetry and plays are all things that have a massive influence on how I live my life and I long to create something within those mediums that will influence other people and help shape their world. However, recently I have been feeling far from inspired and so I stopped writing anything, hoping that some inspiration would come to me. I've been in that frame of mind for quite some time but have finally decided that ideas won't come to me just by doing nothing and hoping they will.

So this is my creative outlet, and I hope by writing my thoughts down something amazing will come to me.