Like anyone missed me...

Wassup Internet! It's been a long time, almost a whole month since my last post which is very bad of me so for that I apologise.

I've been super busy which is why I haven't had time to do this. All I seem to do is work and sleep and it's making me feel very unfulfilled. So all I do is think about what I should do.

Right now I'm thinking about applying to Drama School, thinking I should just follow my dreams and do it rather than find something else as a compromise. The problem is I suffer from an inferiority complex, and a superiority complex, all at the same time. Let me explain, I don't have a lot of self confidence in my dramatical abilities any more, I don't know why I don't, I just don't. That's were the inferiority comes in. However, at the same time I don't want to train to be an actor just to work in commercials or soap operas or whatever. I want to be in, you know, something good. Which is were the superiority comes in. So it pretty much boils down to me not doing anything unless I'm going to be successful which, I suppose, is what makes me give up on stuff easily. At the same time though is it that bad that I want to be good at whatever I end up doing? I mean as an actor I don't want to be Daniel Day-Lewis or anything, but I would want to be Joseph Gordon-Levitt, that kind of league. But is that still too much to ask?

I guess if I want to be successful I just need to get me a double barrelled name.

There must be something wrong with me.

I do feel there must be something up with me if I'm watching something as family friendly as BBC's Merlin and I'm thinking, 'Morgana you manipulative bitch! Someone should kill you!'

That's not very family friendly is it?

"I'm 6' 5'', 220 and there's two of me."

And that quote won't make any sense if you haven't seen The Social Network, but I've just seen it so I'm going to talk about it. Well one aspect of it anyways.

So that Mark Zuckerberg is a bit of a sociopath, yet he's also the World's youngest billionaire. I suppose, in a very depressing way, the kind of misunderstanding of emotions he has it what makes him so good in business. He doesn't factor emotion into his decision making and therefore he can make super cut throat choices to make his company better. I mean the dude isn't even driven by money! He just made such a successful business because he believed in what he had, that's all that drove him.

But then on the flip side the guy lost nearly all of his friends and made even more enemies (like the lad who said the aforementioned quote up there) so how happy can he really be?

Why I Don't like Newspapers.

This isn't because I don't like news, I just get my news from BBC News or Youtube (and to a lesser extent twitter). No, this is because I don't like the people who read newspapers. This is a very generalised statement but let me explain.

I have only ever been exposed to two newspapers for any prolonged period of time in my life and I've decided that I dislike the kind of people who read those publications.

The first won't take too much explaining, and that's the Daily Mail. It's infamy for being as sensationalist as a tabloid whilst trying to convince everyone it's a serious broadsheet makes it pretty obvious why I dislike it. And the people aren't much better. You know the kind I mean? The kind who are those nationalist and slightly racist professional people living in middle class Britain? Yeah I don't like those guys. I've been reminded about the extremist views those people have by a story I read about a sex education video the NHS released that the Mail has called 'pornographic'. Really? That seems a little over sensitive to me. (and just as some context, the actors in the video are black)

However, though I can see the ignorant and right wing point of view that Mail readers have, the first people to attack them for their view are the other group I dislike. These are Guardian readers.

I've always seen the Guardian, and therefore the people for read it, as the polar opposite to the Mail, but ironically this is exactly why I don't like them. In my experience Guardian readers are that kind of liberal intellectual with opinions on everything. Very self-righteous, upper middle class opinions. My biggest issue with them is because they have these defined opinions coupled with their intellect they never think they're wrong. Ever. This not only means they can quickly become insufferable but it also means they're frustratingly condescending to argue with. It's not all bad though. They're fun because they create this delicious irony in the sense that because they think they're so liberal and enlightened they judge the Mail and it's readers for .....judging people.

So I suppose the main reason I don't like newspaper readers, and this is serious newspapers rather than tabloids, is because they're so opinionated they can rarely ever look at anything subjectively and because they're specific publication panders to these ingrained views the readers will never change how they think.

Though what do I know? I get my current events for Esquire.

Blogging was easier when I didn't do anything...

My blogging has been somewhat sporadic as of late. That's because I've been really busy recently, but doing anything good. I used to blog in the early hours because I wasn't tired and never had anything to do the next day, however nowadays I always seem to be tired and never awake enough to think of anything intelligent to say.

I should be glad, I was so bored before when I had nothing to do and wanted a job or something just to give me routine. Though now my time is filled with a new kind of doing nothing. Don't get me wrong I stay busy and there's always something to do, but it's not getting me anywhere. I'm still at the same point I was months ago where I felt directionless and pointless, but now I don't have time to do anything fun or the mental capacity to think of any way to improve myself. This isn't the kind of job that's going to get me into a career I can live on for the rest of my life, it's not the kind of job I can live on for the rest of the year, and it also doesn't help me get any closer to knowing what I want to do at university. I think it was originally intended just to be a distraction, but now it's not even being that.

It's all just another way to whittle my time away, but my time is worthless anyway.

Tomorrow is another day, I guess.

I want to draw.

So I love comic books. It's no secret, to everyone I know this is common knowledge and no one seems to judge me which is nice. If I'm being honest I've always had a dream in the back of my head of writing my own too, and not my own story for an existing superhero, I want to create my own world. My recent comic acquisition, Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life, has sparked me back into wanting to write one. However, this happens pretty frequently and I always trip at the same hurdle; I'm terrible at drawing. Like really terrible. Like really, really terrible. Like lowest Art mark in my year twice terrible. I know most comic book's have separate writers and artist, sometimes even a separate colourist, but Bryan Lee O'Malley wrote and drew all six volumes of Scott Pilgrim by himself so that's what I want to do.

Silly lack of talent.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot...

I haven't posted for a bit, I'm getting very bad at that recently, but in my defence I've been doing important things. Namely, watching Band of Brothers 'til I can't keep my eyes open.

Really the only new thing in life is I have tendonitis in my foot. It's not the most fun thing in the world, it hurts to walk and I'm making it a lot worse by staying on my feet all day. However, the most depressing thing about my tendonitis is how I got it. I'd love to tell you I got it playing too much rugby, or by climbing too many mountains without safety gear in a short period of time but, alas, neither of those are true.

I got it because I like to sit on the floor.

Lame, right? I essentially spend most of my free time sitting cross legged in front of some sort of interactive media screen and that has actually physically harmed me. Now this only raises one very depressing conclusion; I'm not a child any more. The period of my life where I can throw myself at anything and just bounce back is over, now any instance of bad posture can result in serious damage (ok, maybe not that serious but my foot does really hurt!). So let that be a warning to you internet, blogging and video gaming are not as safe as they once appeared to be.

I really need some friends. And a chair.